Through the Looking Glass

SIR, YOUR PICTURES ARE READY: A young man stole a car and took his own picture with a camera the owner had left on the front seat. Then he left the camera behind when he abandoned the vehicle. The police published the picture in the New York papers, so he won’t be at large for long. One cop said, ”I wish they were all this stupid.”

COULDN’T SHE HAVE PREDICTED THIS? To help the business of his friend, who works as a telephone psychic, Yarneiser ”John” Perez made 153 calls $4.99-per-minute to her psychic hotline, from the New Jersey bank he works at, often leaving the phone off the hook for hours, police said. The bill came to $164,378.74 for 546 hours of calls to her number in the Dominican Republic, the longest of which was 14 hours. He was ordered to repay the money and spend a year in custody.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE HIS WIFE!? I’M HIS WIFE! Haitian-born doctor Jean-Claude Dominique married the woman who helped put him through medical school in America, and, a few years later, and unbeknownst to her, also married his high-school sweetheart from back home. He lived part time in a home on the waterfront of Long Island with 56-year-old Wife Number One and their two children, and the rest of the time with Wife Number Two, age 50, and their two kids, in New Jersey. Everything was going fine until he was hit by a car and killed. The two widows met for the first time at the emergency room. They were quite shocked.

HELLO! HELLO? WHO THE HECK IS THIS? Timothy Michel, a member of his Missouri college wrestling team, called his home to get the phone messages from his answering machine. Since he lives alone, he was very surprised when someone answered his call. After a somewhat agitated exchange during which he determined that the man — someone named Harvey — had broken into his home, Michel called three of his wrestling buddies who live nearby. They ran to the house and put Harvey in a headlock.

PULL OVER! I SAID PULL OVER NOW! The New Delhi Driving School of Chicago, through which many immigrants from India got their licenses, has come under fire because, it has been alleged, instructors bribed state officials to pass students who failed to learn how to drive. State examiners testified that some ”graduates” of the school didn’t know how to start a car, and others didn’t know the difference between ”drive” and ”reverse.” During some tests, applicants were ordered to stop the car and get out because they constituted a danger to the highways. A retest was ordered, and, of 60 students who showed up, 23 failed.