I first got online when I moved to Germany in 2004. I immediately began cyber-mediated relationships with my earliest friends via AIM chat.
Funnily, this is right around the time it started to be passé!
In 2005 I would discover MySpace and 2006, Facebook; both of these social media sites skyrocketed in user numbers over the course of a very short time.
It wasn’t until the very end of 2006, as I entered high school, that I would discover the power of text.
From my very first instant messages, it was hook, line and sinker. I attribute much of my closest relationships and social successes to instant messaging.
My closest friendships were all maintained via instant messaging, and this is true to this day. It is where I feel the most comfortable for self-disclosure, especially if it is the first time with some particular friends. I could have the benefits of both stream-of-conscious conversations with the deliberation and contemplative nature of formal writing.
With the people I am really attracted to (platonic and romantic), it allows for us to complete thoughts simultaneously. As a person won’t forget her thoughts in the blink of an eye, this can be very advantageous.
Sadly, my face-to-face relationships have always suffered, and I cannot say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my preference for online communication is faultless; though it would certainly not be the sole perpetrator.
I am rather averse to addressing conflict face-to-face. However, this most likely is not an issue I alone face. It may simply come down to how you read it.
AIM came to me at a time in my life when I had been facing trauma after trauma and it was extremely difficult for me to talk to people face-to-face. I credit cyberspace for providing a way to still make connections with people, despite the thoughts that maybe I could have gotten better with face-to-face over time without instant-messaging as a crutch.
Today, I agonize about whether I am capable of having a romantic relationship with someone that I would see all the time; my partner and I have been long distance from the start. Every single other important relationship, past and present, has had geographical barriers that are only breached by cybercommunication. Do I subconsciously do this on purpose?
Still, I think I always come to the conclusion that the degrees to which I utilize instant-messaging and face-to-face communication both have more to do with simple social preferences, and not something to be overcome. I am a voraciously independent person, depending on my solitude at times, and my communication habits reflect that, and are probably not some deep-seated misappropriation of either.
Cybercommunication is a rich supplement to our needs for socialness. People often scapegoat others’ phone usage for whatever social ailment they are lamenting that day. There is as much to be embraced as there is of which to be wary.
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