Sometimes Dan Headley decides to stay in because it gets too hard.

He finds it too hard to hide a part of himself. He finds it too hard to pretend he is not gay.

For many students who have one foot in the closet and one out in the open, life can get a little complicated, Headley said.

Less than two years ago no one knew Headley was gay and he said it took him a while to come to grips with it himself.

“I kinda pushed it out of my mind and told myself it wasn’t there,” Headley said. “Since I didn’t know anyone who was gay or lesbian, I told myself people aren’t really gay — that’s just something the media made up.”

This is a stage nearly all gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender individuals go through, said Christina Guenther, associate German professor at BGSU and advocate for support of GLBT students on campus.

“Coming out is not a one-shot deal,” Guenther said. “You have to come out to yourself first and that is really hard. But, I had been told by friends that you have to multiply it by three to come out to friends and family.”

At the University, there are several groups and services in place to help students dealing with this issue, and Headley said he feels much safer and accepted than in his home of Bryan, Ohio.

“[Bryan] is a very nice place. It’s very scenic,” Headley said. “But at the same time, it has a very small-town atmosphere and so it’s very conservative.”

Headley is now the president of the GLBT group on campus called Vision. They also include students who identify themselves as queer, intersex, questioning and straight supportive.

It was not until he joined this group last year that he finally built a support network up enough that he could begin coming out to family. Six weeks into his freshman year, he was publicly “out” on campus, but not at home.

“Mind you, that’s very fast for someone,” Headley said. “But I had gotten to the point that I was just really tired of staying closeted … I had to let it go.”

There are many ways students can begin this process, including attending a group on campus called Out @ BG. It was started in 2003 but was reorganized earlier this semester.

This group is for students who are still too uncomfortable with their own sexuality to go to Vision meetings, Bai-Yin Chen, the psychology resident at the University’s Counseling Center, said. It also serves as an anonymous group that helps students who may be questioning their sexual orientation.

“It is a lifelong process, so we don’t encourage them to rush,” Chen said. “They need to feel safe and comfortable because once they come out the reaction is not 100 percent predictable.”

No matter what, the choice of who to tell and preparation for coming out can be judged on an individual basis only, Chen said. She would never tell someone they had to come out to anyone.

As of right now, many people in Headley’s family do not know that he is gay. He said they do not have a close enough relationship for them to understand.

His father, sister and one cousin know. But his mother and entire dad’s side do not know. He doesn’t see his mother very often and said he will come out to her eventually. His father’s family is a different story.

“I know it is very stereotypical … but [my dad’s family] is a very rural family,” Headley said. “They are farmers, they breed horses — they date women mostly, at least the men in the family do.”

Anticipating people’s reaction can also be very traumatizing, Headley said. This is another reason he believes it is so important to find support of friends.

“I was mostly worried people wouldn’t accept me for who I am,” Headley said. “They might get angry enough to kick me out of their house, they might completely excommunicate me from their lives.”

For professor Guenther, it took 10 years for her to tell her parents. “It was a painful 10 years,” Guenther said. She also remembers the worries about homophobia.

“Homophobia keeps you from being productive and creative,” Guenther said. “We are an inclusive society and it is time for there to be a safe place for them on campus.”

Chen said the atmosphere at Bowling Green is good for GLBT students, and encourages straight students to become allies for gay students. There is a training program available at the Counseling Center that straight supportive students can take to help their gay peers.

“It would be so helpful if we were all embracing GLBT students,” Chen said. “I think that is a good thing if we can be passively supportive, but it would be great if we could be actively supportive.”

Editor’s note: To find out more about programs by the Counseling Center, call 419-372-2081. To contact a member of Vision, call 419-372-0555.