‘#160;’#160;’#160;’#160;For the beginning of the semester I asked my parents for a fifty-pack of Red Bull and a syringe. Nowadays it seems like even drinking the coffee/Red Bull takes too long, I need it injected directly into my veins.

‘#160;’#160;’#160;’#160;This campus has a very persistent need for caffeine, causing some to admit that they have an addiction, myself included. In assistance to this, I feel like I can’t drink my coffee in my own apartment, it needs to come from ‘the outside.’ ‘The outside’ meaning out in public, at any place that wants to sell it to me.

‘#160;’#160;’#160;’#160;It’s become almost a scary thing, like we can’t depend on a full night’s sleep to provide energy throughout the day.

‘#160;’#160;’#160;’#160;Other than caffeine, there are absolutely no other positive attributes to coffee, when you think about it, because no one wants to sit next to that guy who is trying to whisper his ideas about socialism after his first cup of joe.

‘#160;’#160;’#160;’#160;If anything else reeks more, I haven’t smelled it. Even if you didn’t have your morning injection of caffeine, this guy’s breath will jolt you back into reality.

‘#160;’#160;’#160;’#160;Aside from frequent halitosis, can we talk about how hot the coffee is everywhere? I know that is the whole idea of coffee, to be hot and energizing, but is it really necessary to burn every taste bud on a person’s tongue? I didn’t buy the coffee so that I could sit and think about drinking it for fifteen minutes before finally taking the plunge.

‘#160;’#160;’#160;’#160;Then when I finally do take my first sip I wince in pain before the signals even reach my brain. This stuff is always way too hot, there are no exceptions, and the only logical explanation to this is that the coffee vender is trying to perfectly time my nonexistent commute to Atlantic City in the morning. When I finally get to work at my desk in the casino, my coffee will be cool enough for human consumption, translating to less than four hundred degrees.

‘#160;’#160;’#160;’#160;These problems are what drove me to other options, such as Red Bull. It’s refreshing, it’s carbonated, it tastes like Mountain Dew with an extra pound of sugar in it. Come to think of it, I think that Mountain Dew with an extra pound of sugar in it would be like dribbling some club soda on a five-pound bag of sugar.

‘#160;’#160;’#160;’#160;Anyhow, Red Bull seemed to be the solution to life’s problems, and didn’t leave my tongue with permanent scarring. And when they say that Red Bull ‘gives you wings’ they are not lying. It seems to promote extra leg jiggling and pen clicking at every given opportunity.

‘#160;’#160;’#160;’#160;In the classroom it’s like different dimensions of the universe exist at once, separated by one thing, people that have had their caffeine and the people who have not.

‘#160;’#160;’#160;’#160;The people who have had their caffeine seem to be superficially vibrant, complete with bloodshot eyes and a constant hum surrounding them, caused by their bodies need to expel the kinetic energy surging around inside their bloodstreams. They have to jiggle around, text about 150 of their friends on their sweet cell phones, and whisper their ideas about socialism to anyone that is sitting remotely close to them.

‘#160;’#160;’#160;’#160;The people who have not had their caffeine, however, are a little bit quieter. Their eyes aren’#39;t bloodshot; they are tiny slits leading to eyeballs rolling around inside the back of their heads.

‘#160;’#160;’#160;’#160; In the end, I am glad for my addiction, and I will not ignore her. Caffeine is my lifeblood, and makes me talk at speeds that I never thought possible. It also fulfills my wildest dreams, and helps me get good grades.

‘#160;’#160;’#160;’#160;If our biggest problems in life were coffee-breath and persistent pen clicking, I would live my life full of annoyance, but the happy, buzzing, hovering annoyance of my dreams.