I was online the other day looking around for nothing in particular when I saw that my friend had emailed me a link to a forum discussing a possible remake of “Starship Troopers.”
For those who aren’t familiar with the movie, it follows the adventures of a handsome white, male space Marine protagonist who goes to war to defend a futuristic earth from a race of grotesque anthropomorphic space aliens.
One could argue that spinoffs of this “noble space commando vs. race of rabid alien monsters” formula include such video games as the “Halo” and “Gears of War” series as well as movies such as “Avatar.”
The common threads that run through these kinds of media are as predictable and clichéd as Reddit atheists wearing fedoras: hunky, dominant male archetype “A” squanders downplayed female love interest “B” and overcomes his posh upbringing to earn the respect of hard-nosed, middle-class sergeant “C” and saves the world whilst reclaiming the improbably reconciled romance with an even less probable kiss to end movie “D.”
If, up to this point, you’ve taken my snide commentary as an attempt to bash the whole genre, you’re sadly mistaken.
Although I certainly have my qualms with the broader cultural implications of this tried-and-true formula that’s become such a staple in entertainment.
I don’t deny that some of the movies it has produced, such as the endearingly terrible and lovably maladroit original “Starship Troopers,” are, somewhat to my shame, dear to me.
However, I write this because I think whoever is thinking of remaking this movie is grossly missing the point of why the original film was so beloved to begin with; not because it’s an ultra-serious film, but because it’s awful.
Quite frankly, it’s by far one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.
I loved this movie because, despite its flaws, it embodies 1990s nostalgia in a way that even the then-impending Red Hot Chili Peppers reunion could have only hoped to.
My point is that some movies should just be left as they are.
These past few years, Hollywood has been churning out remakes of classic movies such as “The Karate Kid,” “Red Dawn” and “Robocop” on a seemingly industrial scale.
I’d understand if they wanted to milk the fanboys by selling previously unreleased material or a director’s cut of movies, but remaking the whole thing, trying to make it into a serious movie is just greed. What’s next, a live action remake of the first “Pokémon” movie starring a super-gritty Ash played by Josh Brolin?
I don’t care how much you liked the originals; please, I implore you, don’t keep giving Hollywood an excuse to make these horrible movies and destroy the corny special effects that made the originals what they were.
Money talks, and if we don’t demand better movies, we’d brace ourselves for a veritable stampede of cheap Hercules, Frankenstein and vampire-themed cash cows.
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