Dear Michael Jackson,

I heard your new single over the weekend. It’s nice, but I hate to break it to you: I think your heyday came and went.

Now don’t get me wrong, your place in music history is secured forever. You broke the color barrier at MTV. You made the video that everyone has tried to unsuccessfully top, “Thriller.” In the 1980s you earned the nickname “King of Pop.”

Now it’s the year 2001 and you are finally putting out a new studio album, not that dance remix crap you tried to pass off as a record a few years ago. While some have been waiting on pins and needles for Invincible, there are still others (including myself) who just don’t care anymore.

The biggest problem is that you just waited too long to make a record. The buzz for your new CD was nearly red hot last year. Yes, good things take time, but they should not take that long to make. “You Rock My World” is a nice single, but would have been even better a while back. Pop music has changed a lot since you were gone. You might have to fight N*SYNC to get your pop title back. While you were gone your little sister Janet became an even bigger star than she was before. MTV held a huge tribute bash and called her an icon.

There is another glaring problem that I see–your ego. Yes you have secured a place in pop history, but when you floated those huge statues of yourself down different rivers across the world, now that was a little much. Take some lessons from Janet. She can come across as being the normal girl on the street. I could probably approach her for an autograph and there would be nothing but love and good vibes. I would probably not be able to get anywhere near you.

I also remember the brief appearance you made at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony. I do feel bad that you broke your foot, but you could have at least made a small appearance during the all-star jam. That was just rude to your fellow inductees who decided to share the stage.

Of course you have that tribute concert of yours coming up. It is hard to believe that you have been a solo star for 30 years. However, seeing that at least one of your brothers had spoken harshly about the show to MTV News, well, that is not going to make for a nice family reunion.

I also give you serious props for trying to make things better for children, but you really need to be careful about what you say. When you addressed that crowd at Oxford in England, I was all for your “Children’s Bill of Rights” until you hit that last point. It said something like, “Every child has the right to be loved, even if they have the face only a mother could love.” What? Did you have to say that? Does that mean that ugly kids are only getting love because it is some kind of right? How does that make ugly kids feel?

Now that you are coming back to the scene, you have a lot of hype and buzz to answer to. Sadly, I don’t think that first single of yours really lived up to all the hype that I have read for months. It sounds the same as everything else you have done. Mike (Can I call you Mike?), take some risks. Look at what Alien Ant Farm did to “Smooth Criminal.” It’s awesome. You are off to a good start if that report about a collaboration with Fred Durst is really true.

The whole reason why I decided to write this was out of concern. You were a major part of my childhood. It kind of makes me sad in a way to see you become a sort of freak. (By the way, that joke about you and little boys pants is still going around.) In my eyes you went from being a god who could do no wrong to some kind of super-sized, super weird egomaniac. Of course you will sell millions of records, but I felt that it was time that a former fan tried to give you some advice.