No more man chair” how shoe shopping can ‘pump’ up your sex life

U-Wire and U-Wire

I really like a thick 1940s heel with a rounded toe. But I don’t like stilettos. Boots are a gray area. While Uggs are hideous, the dead animal skin boots worn correctly are kind of sexy in that snowwoman way, and hooker boots work with miniskirts. Recently I’ve started paying attention to shoes and what kinds turn me on. I wouldn’t classify it a fetish, but I can see how people can get off on sexy shoes or feet. The same can be said for any piece of clothing. Nina Hartley, registered nurse and MILF pornstar, suggests using clothing fetishes to your advantage. If you are in the mood and your boyfriend is not, grab those boots, tweed hat or spandex to lure your boyfriend away from the Xbox. Finding shoes and clothing erotic are sometimes considered a paraphilia, according to Discovery Health’s Web site. Paraphilia is a fetish involving arousal of a normally asexual or extreme object or act, such as shoes, underwear and voyeurism or sadism that causes significant distress or social impairment. It’s only a paraphilia if that object or act is frequently the only thing that can make you climax. Most people don’t have paraphilias as props have become pretty standard due to shows like ‘Talk Sex with Sue Johanson’ and sex columns like this. Some of you are purists, and that’s great, but the rest of us really like fantasy and lacy red things ‘shy;- thank god grandma’s doilies are white. You can blame porn or the American Dream – never be satisfied – or some atypical upbringing, but really it doesn’t matter. I like shoes because Scarlett, my girlfriend, has more than 50 pairs and talks about them a lot. So I could complain about necessity and poor people in Africa or I could make the best of it. For me it’s the way Scarlett carries herself when wearing heels. She acts important, stands tall, steps heavy and bosses people around. She also has perfect display-size seven feet, with high arches, nicely shaped toes and soft, milky skin. Scarlett’s posture is phenomenal, as in she can walk down stairs in heels with a book on her head. And she can do squats in high heels. That’s hot. Posture is a big deal; there’s nothing worse than a sexy man or woman carrying an invisible midget on his or her back. The best part about liking shoes is that it makes those inevitable shoe shopping trips slightly more bearable. Instead of sitting in the man chair pouting and throwing a fit, which is fun, I actively find shoes I want Scarlett to wear. If she says she doesn’t have anything to match, I just remind her clothing is optional. Plus, high heels augment many of those complicated standing positions by lifting the butt higher and easing bent over poses. If you’re closer to the fetish range, meaning you can’t get off without the shoes, they’re nice to look at in any position. It’s also nice to see a girlfriend wear something you picked out. Some people even like to kiss, suck, hump or grope shoes. I can’t say I trust the sanitation of something worn outdoors or even in my house, but if you want to put your penis between the heel, by all means write a letter and tell us about it. Otherwise, happy shopping.