If 2018 were an “As Seen On TV” product, January would be the limited-time warranty. A warranty guarantees a product can be repaired, if needed, within a certain amount of time. The product in this case being the calendar year 2018.
For some of you, 2018 is already broken and it may feel as if the year can’t be repaired. You may have lost a loved one, maybe returning to school is painful or perhaps any other low points of 2017 are giving you an emotional hangover (in addition to your literal hangover from New Year’s).
For others, the month of January is an exciting time to try new things and improve upon yourself from last year, whether that’s physically, academically or romantically. That last aspect is something a lot of my friends and people in general try to do. They’ve failed to land a significant other during the so-called “cuffing season,” and are using the new year as motivation to market themselves to a field of potential partners.
This is horrifying for a lot of people. The idea of walking up to someone and initiating conversation or DMing a person over social media is enough to give people a panic attack and wish they’d never talked to someone. That couldn’t be more true for a friend of mine. Let’s call him Kenny.
Kenny recently ended a relationship with a girl and resolved to start talking to new people in 2018. He began messaging girls on Twitter and was more open in his classes. He even took my advice and finally downloaded Snapchat.
A couple of rejections in, Kenny was ready to quit. He couldn’t stand the repeated rejection or the people that would ignore his approach. His resolution to talk to more girls became a resolution to never talk to anyone ever again for the rest of his life. Ever.
I encouraged him to keep trying, but he seemed dead set on his new New Year’s Resolution.
Kenny’s situation reminded me of a very valuable idea: in order to overcome the fear of rejection, you must embrace it. Don’t let the fear of being ignored or left on read, or the fear of being told “no” make you quit. It’s different for everyone, but eventually you will find success in talking to others. Going through a period of rejection and eventual success erases the fear of failing.
Doing things when you know there’s a great chance you could be rejected shows a lot of bravery and even a bit of confidence. It’s not just a strategy for talking to potential partners. It’s a great strategy for eliminating fear in your daily life, the kind of fear or anxiety many of us live with.
Keep applying for competitive jobs when you know it’s likely you won’t even get a response. Ask for more time on a project, or for your grade to be rounded up when you know your teacher would never consider it. The idea isn’t for you to get whatever you want but to get used to the feeling of rejection and to understand it’s a normal part of life.
Kenny has said he still wants to take some time off from approaching girls. Eventually, he’d like to begin talking when the time feels right, and that’s perfectly reasonable. What matters is that ultimately he is putting himself out there when he knows he could be rejected.
