AT ISSUE: Should pornography be made more mainstream and be shown on network TV?

Americans as liberal minded as we like to think we are, are rather close-minded when it comes to sex. We do have an advantage over some countries, namely the ones in the Middle East, but when we compare ourselves to countries we consider our peers, we are remarkably plain and boring.

Sex is something that we were created to do, whether it be by God or by evolution or some combination of the two. It’s in our nature. Tab A fits into slot B. It’s part of nature. As frightening as it may seem not only did your parents have sex, but your grandparents had sex too. Birds do it with bees and flowers have sex with trees … I think. My point being here is that it’s a natural thing. Why do Americans want to lock up this natural thing and teach our children that it’s dirty and bad?

Let’s look at how sex is looked at in other countries. In Australia, for example, prostitution is legal. In 49 US states, it’s not. In Italy, a porn star ran for a high government seat and almost nobody bats an eye. In America the president gets a “Monica” from … uh … Monica and it’s front-page news for about two years. Right now in Sweden a mother of three and member of Christian Democratic women’s federation is running for office and her platform is basically “Hey lets show porn on TV all day Saturday.” French TV shows approximately 950 pornographic films on TV per month, on Network TV no less.

So that’s where I suggest America start. Let’s start showing porn on network TV. Oh, shocking statement! So allow me to clarify. First, there’s a whole wide range of porn, and I do not want the whole range of porn to be shown on TV. Just the run of the mill Tab A slot B brand pornography. Nothing with goats, elaborate harnesses or Pamela Anderson.

“But think of the children!” Well that’s a darn good point. Think of the money public schools could save by not needing to teach Sex Ed! No need to buy weird props or booklets. No need to have a separate teacher for the boys and girls. Just assign homework to watch channel 69 for about an hour, then watch the season premiere of Friends when Rachel gives birth and you’re good to go on where babies come from. That money could be used many other places. May I suggest Kevlar school uniforms?

I also theorize that teen pregnancy rates would drastically drop. And I have three reasons for thinking this. First with porn in public, sex is no longer forbidden and kids stop having sex just to defy parents. Second, you’re a teenage boy, given the choice would you rather watch porn, or try your odds and try to understand a teenage girl? And finally for those of you who own television sets measured in feet not inches … well, I’m sure those kids will be scarred enough to wait until their not teens to start feeling out the other gender.

“I don’t agree with your views, if they show porn on TV what will I do?” A little known fact, parent is not only a title, but also a verb. Look into it. Also look into the V-Chip.

“Pornography is degrading to women.” I’ve never understood this point of view. Here’s why, they’re getting paid, to have sex. That’s two pluses in my book. Now, maybe they’re only pretending to enjoy sex, but how many women don’t get paid to pretend every day? Besides if anyone’s being degraded, it’s the men who pay $89.95 for new release porn.

“But women are treated as objects in those movies!” You are right, just like every other actress or actor in every other movie, television show or play. It’s called acting. It’s what they do. They just do it with fewer clothes. And I’m not just referring to the cast of the off-Broadway play “Debbie Does Dallas.”

So to summarize, sex is only dirty cause someone decided it was and society went along for the ride. There’s nothing bad about it and let’s start breaking that taboo and bringing porn out from behind the green door and to the pubic on network TV. After all the WB needs the ratings.