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February 22, 2024

  • Danez Smith at AWP
    Richard Saker/Contour by Getty Images As we end Black History Month, here is one of my favorite poets, Danez Smith, who writes on intersectionality between their Black and Queer identities. At the Association of Writers and Writing Programs (AWP) conference in Kansas City, MO, I had the opportunity to personally meet Smith, and they are […]
  • Lying in Memoir
    Lauren Slater crafts diligent, depictive metaphors in narrative, and I hate her writing, simultaneously. Should there be lying in memoir? In her book, Lying: A Metaphorical Memoir (2000), Slater crafts lies from epilepsy to nunneries to doctor visits and proposed peer reviewed theses to AA meetings. However, within these lies, she allows us to question […]
Spring Housing Guide

Hold ups in the look for love

“You fall for anyone who has the potential of destroying you.”

For many people, these words hit home.

At one point in a person’s life, they will find themselves lost and confused.

Do you have a friend who cannot keep a healthy, stable relationship?

Maybe they jump from person to person or one night stand to the next, further pushing themselves into a deeper state of loneliness, continuously blaming themselves for their poor judgement and self-sabotaging tendencies.

Maybe you’re friends with someone like this, maybe it’s a parent, a sibling, maybe it’s you or maybe it’s the person writing this column.

The search for love is not easy. It can become an addiction, especially if one doesn’t know how to search for the “right” kind of love.

Unfortunately, it’s easier to blame the victim by “slut shaming” or joking about “daddy” or “mommy issues,” rather than addressing the underlying problem.

Humans have big hearts and we trust too easily, sometime we allow our insecurities to get the best of us.

Sometimes we’re caught up in an endless cycle of searching for love we do not realize we’re running in the opposite direction, away from who we are, straight into the arms of deception who provides temporary comfort and affection.

Sometimes we fall for the person wearing the mask and we are labeled because of it.

We are defined by our mistakes, even failed romances.

If you find yourself in this cycle or you know someone who is currently stuck there, learn how to love yourself.

I know this is a cliché phrase you’ve been told numerous times and you may think you do love yourself and that’s OK.

But if you find yourself in this unsuccessful chase for love, do this: commit to a daily routine.

You need stability, so if that means going to Starbucks every morning at 9 a.m, eating a blueberry scone, drinking a vanilla iced latte with soy and reading the BG News, so be it. You will never find a stable relationship if you do not have some sort of stability and balance within yourself.

My second piece of advice is to allow yourself “me time.”

I know that sounds silly, but allowing yourself quiet time to think, reflect on the day, your goals, etc, will ultimately allow personal growth and independence.

Thirdly, cut out all negativity in your life.

That one “friend” who always brings you down? Hasta luego.

The person who only comes around when they need something or the person who thinks you’re an ATM machine?

Say your goodbyes now.

You need positivity, good vibes and influences in your life that will help you make healthy decisions.

Think of it like this: people have expiration dates.

When these dates expire, their time is up. You’ve learned from them and they’ve given you enough strength to let them go.

Now it’s time to take care of yourself.

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