Falcon Screeches for Tuesday, March 13

I hate working out on Sundays for one reason: kids occupying the Rec during swim meets. It’s hard enough to run a few miles. I don’t want a group of little girls jeering at me because I’m not going fast enough. There should be some sort of babysitting service that keeps those kids under control and out of sight.

—STOP STARING AT ME

Have you ever tried to mix groups of friends? Well, have you ever tried to mix groups of friends that don’t like each other? It sucks when you have two groups that clash and you want to hang out with both. Seriously, get over yourselves and mesh with each other. I’m not trying to pick sides here.

—MIXBREEDING FRIENDSHIPS

No boyfriend should be “whipped.” No girlfriend should be “smothered.” If you and your partner cannot happily compromise and find an interest in each other’s hobbies, you should break up and stop complaining. If he wants to play Call of Duty, let him. If she wants to have a movie night with the girls, let her. It’s not that hard.

—MAKE UP OR BREAK UP

I’m getting pretty nervous … March Madness is coming and Buffalo Wild Wings is still not open. What am I going to do when the tourney starts?! I need to watch ALL the games at the SAME time while stuffing my face with wings. This is my time of the year, so please open your doors soon!!!

—TRUE MADNESS

We just got off of break and you’re expecting me to remember everything from the first half of the semester? C’mon prof, I can barely remember that I have this class on my schedule! Why can’t you be like all the other professors and pile the work on before break? Oh, and you know that paper you have due on Wednesday? Yeah. Didn’t do it.

—GIVE US A BREAK