Why do people always think they can just ignore calls after they text you? It’s seriously the most annoying thing in the world. If you can text, you can talk!

-PICK UP

Watching the Super Bowl on a 19 inch TV.

-MAGNIFY ME, CAPTAIN

So, my friend got me sick. I’m going to the doctor and then I’m stocking up on over-the-counter Tylenol, tissues and hand sanitizer. Damn germs won’t get to me again if I have anything to do with it!

-SO SICK

#Falcon(mail) Problems

-INBOX FULL

To the guy who hit my car and didn’t leave a note or anything, I hate you. Who is so spineless that he or she could do that and not have a guilty conscience? It’s ridiculous how uncaring people are these days. Thanks for hitting and running.

-DISSED DRIVER

When will this snow end? I’m so over the fluffy white stuff and low temperatures everyday. It seriously needs to end. Why can’t global warming just take over our winter. That needs to happen ASAP.

-FLURRY

Cover charges at bars suck. If I’m paying to drink, I’m not paying to get in, too.

-DRINK UP

Who let me buy more alcohol when I was trashed? Isn’t that illegal? Come on, I didn’t buy a tequila sunrise at the bar to see it again when the sun came up the next morning.

-ONE TEQUILA, TWO

People who mock other people in weird voices.

-GROW UP