If you think it is acceptable to throw eggs from a moving vehicle, then I would have you tied to a post so the general public can return the favor. Afterward, there will be a luncheon held in honor of your public shame. Don’t worry, you will be invited — only to eat the eggs scraped from the ground at your feet, you lousy excuse for a human being.

—EGGSHAUSTED WITH CHILDISH BEHAVIOR

Why is it called spring break? Last time I checked, it’s not spring yet.

—SPRING HASN’T SPRUNG

Not sure if I’ll make it to spring break with all of this pointless busy work and dumb midterms.

—ALREADY OVER SCHOOL

I’m sick of being sick. Screw this weather that constantly messes with my sinuses.

—SO SICK

The long line at Taco Bell when I’m tipsy and just need me a beefy five-layer burrito.

—HUNGRY AND DRUNK

I love it when there’s nothing to do on the weekend. Seriously, why did I decide to come to school in the cornfield that is Ohio?

—UNHAPPY COLLEGE HICK

All I can think about is spring break. I have already checked out so don’t bother asking me to study for a test or do a stupid project. I don’t care, I’ll take the “F” and then screech about it when we get back to school.

—SPRING TIME