Valentine’s Day is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year, but nothing puts a damper on Falcon Flames’ love like having to spend their whole paycheck to make their partner happy.
Shoppers spend over $27.5 billion each year on Valentine’s Day, and the average lovesick present-shopper spends $188.81 annually on gifts for their significant other, making it the third most expensive holiday of the year, according to WalletHub
In an economy where 74% of Americans say the economy is doing only fair or poorly, why do struggling young couples feel the need to spend so much money in the name of love
Sandra Faulkner, an interpersonal and relational communications professor at Bowling Green State University (BGSU), said cultural ideas of romance and the commercialization of that culture are what make Valentine’s Day such a big deal.
“Valentine’s Day is one of those days where individuals in romantic relationships should display their love through the exchange of gifts,” Faulkner said. “We have these cultural ideas about romance that, in order to show that you love someone, you need to buy them things.
It’s not just cultural, though. Faulkner said lofty expectations of what romance should be on Feb. 14 can have real impacts on the stability of personal relationships.
“We have all of these ideas, and it’s like, ‘Well, if I don’t get a box of chocolates or flowers, perhaps my romantic partner doesn’t care for me,’” Faulkner said. “If someone feels like their partner isn’t as committed to the relationship as they should be, it could have them question their love as a whole.
Faulkner said comparisons, especially online comparisons in the age of social media, can worsen feelings of doubt in your relationship
“More and more, I notice that people will receive these gifts to then take pictures to post online to say, ‘Oh, look at these flowers my honey gave me,’” Faulkner said. “There can be a lot of social comparison there if folks see photos posted of gifts that they feel they should’ve gotten but didn’t. It can make them feel like there’s something wrong with their relationship.
And with the pressure clearly on students to keep their budgets balanced and monetarily show their love for the sake of their relationship, Valentine’s Day can be financially and emotionally crushing.
Seamus Coon, a student at BGSU, said he sees how this pressure affects the overall well-being of his friends and classmates
“I’ve been lucky enough not to experience this in any of my own relationships, but I’ve definitely seen it in my friends,” Coon said. “I’ve definitely seen people worried that, even if a gift they’re planning to give is meaningful and lovely, that it won’t be ‘enough’ because they didn’t spend ‘enough’ money, which is a pretty twisted concept.”
In an era where income is low and expectations are at an all-time high, what is the alternative to shelling out for love while still showing you care? Faulkner said in a situation where money is tight, actions speak louder than words.
“You have to know your partner well enough to figure out what actions will be meaningful to them,” Faulkner said. “Whether it’s getting them their favorite coffee or writing them a letter showing your love, it’s about doing the things that wouldn’t necessarily cost money, but that would show your care and affection for the other person.”
Faulkner said focusing on the day-to-day things your partner does, rather than the emotions and cultural pressures of the holiday, is the key to a happy relationship beyond Valentine’s Day.
“If someone cares too much about material gifts, I would try to have that person focus on the relationship,” Faulkner said. “Think about what it is that you really like about your partner and focus on some of the nice things you do for each other. Of course, it’s nice to get the nice showy things, but it’s important for your relationship to think beyond the day.”
Coon said considering the meaning behind the gifts you give and showing you care every other day of the year is what has been most important to his relationships.
“I feel like what’s been the most valuable in the relationships in my life has been communicating with my partner about the expectations of the day,” Coon said. “Money is not what makes something emotionally valuable to people; it’s about the meaning. Are you doing something genuine because you really want to show you care, or are you doing something because of the date on the calendar? I’m always feeling my healthiest when I’m doing the former and not the latter.”
So, if you’re worried, there is good news – if you and your partner are stable and show care through everyday actions, you’re likely in the clear past Feb. 14. And if you’re truly worried your partner will judge your love by how much you spend on their gift, that $200 might be better spent on your textbooks anyway.
